Archive for the ‘daydreams’ Category

Foresight

October 17, 2009

I have this horrible/wonderful problem/gift.  It’s called way too much foresight.  Dictionary.com says that Foresight is:

1. care or provision for the future; provident care; prudence.
2. the act or power of foreseeing; prevision; prescience.
3. an act of looking forward.
4. knowledge or insight gained by or as by looking forward; a view of the future.

A couple of years ago when I was in between jobs I paid way too much money to take do Aptitude testing.  I spent two days taking all sorts of tests, from using tweezers to stick pins in a board to hearing tones and determining whether it was higher or lower than the tone preceding it.  The one area I scored virtually off the charts was foresight.

The problem piece is this: it can be incredibly difficult for me to stay in the moment.  I can be having the best time of my life, learning a new sport, starting a new relationship or a new job or a new project, and sometimes all I can think about is where this will take me.  I think 5 or 10 years ahead of myself constantly.  I get impatient if I feel like things aren’t moving forward as fast as I’d like them too.  Climbing for instance.  I started  climbing in January, and instantly became obsessed with it.  I’d hit the climbing gym 2-3 hours a night a few times a week and loved every minute of it.  But all I could think about was when I could get to the next level, and when I started to plateau I got frustrated and now I’ve sort of dropped off.

In new jobs, I usually love the first few months, when everything is new and I feel like I’m learning and progressing.  Once I can do it in my sleep I get bored and miserable.  I hate doing little pointless projects, but I like planning and long term strategy.  Unfortunately at the level where I am in my career there are a lot of little one off things.

The gift part of this equation?  I have incredibly vivid and beautiful daydreams.  I zone out for awhile and fantasize about where my life is headed.  Lately this involves teaching at a little liberal arts college somewhere.  I can picture my office, books bursting from the built-in shelves, the unmistakable smell of well-thumbed pages.  I picture a little cottage house with a teeming garden in the back, full of zucchini and tomatoes and spaghetti squash and green beans.  My house has overstuffed couches and armchairs, perfect for curling up with a book, and really great lighting.  The kitchen is, of course, spectacular.  Deep cabinets, a six-burner stove, a big island 4″ higher than standard counter height (because I am 4″ taller than the standard woman), double ovens…  There is a little sun-drenched office for me, tucked away in a corner, exploding with books.

My life may not turn out that way, in fact the chances are pretty slim.  Still, I wouldn’t trade my daydreams for anything.

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